Yes, My Cat Craps in the Sky

A birdhouse from a milk carton. A TV stand from Ikea. A stack of empty Mountain Dew cans in the shape of Castle Greyskull.

Some of us have more time than others…

Recently, I was inspired to create something that I never imagined I’d be in need of: an elevated litter box.

I know where you think this is going. You’re preparing yourself for a slew of jokes about snooty felines and how they think they are so much more superior than their canine counterparts.

Surely, you realize, the cat didn’t ask for this.

She was more than happy to defecate at ground level. I’m quite positive she took perverse pleasure in kicking litter across the floor and making it impossible to pass through to the utility room without skidding across “fresh scent” microbeads.

It’s not like she stared intently at the birds on the electrical wires outside of the house because she was jealous of their ability to drop dookie bombs from the sky. I’m pretty sure she just wanted to eat them.

No. This is all the dog’s fault.

You see, we picked up a small dog a while back and he has done much to make ours a happier home. One of his tricks, it turns out, is to nose into the litter box and get a hold of a tasty turd, chow it down, flash us those puppy dog eyes and then beg for a belly rub.

I think it’s hilarious.

My wife thinks it’s disgusting.

As usual: she wins.

So, how to solve the conundrum of a dog who likes doo doo and a cat who needs to crap? Not to be too proud, but I must say that I solved this conundrum quite nicely with four pieces of PVC pipe and a flat plastic landing pad.

It ain’t pretty, but it’s three feet off the ground, which means the cat can jump up comfortably and the dog (he’s a little guy) can only stare longingly at the smorgasbord of tasty treats that are now out of his reach.

I do have to say, though. The cat has gotten snootier and seems to take extra pride in her leavings these days.

Am I a bit jealous?

I won’t be when I get my ten-foot tall toilet bowl installed.