Tofu
By H.G. Miller
Okay, so maybe I'm not the exact epitome of health, but I thought my doctor
could have been a little more kind in how he put it.
“You have the heart of a forty-five year old man.”
“That sounds bad.”
“It is bad.”
“But, with modern medical science, people can live to be a hundred, so I've
still got a good fifty years, right?”
“No. It doesn't quite work that way.”
“What? Is it sort of an exponential thing?”
“Sort of. There's not an exact science to this.”
“What do you mean 'no exact science?' You're a doctor. This is science.”
“When it comes to cholesterol, there are a lot of factors. Every body is
different.”
“So, maybe my body is one of those that can handle more cholesterol.”
“Not this much.”
“Is it really that high? Give me some kind of comparison.”
“If you were a horse-“
“If I was a horse?”
“You'd be dead.”
“That's really saying more about horses than me, isn't it?”
“I suppose so.”
“Okay. What am I supposed to do about this?”
“Have you tried tofu?”
“I have.”
“How did you like it?”
“I hated it.”
“Are you sure? They're doing wonderful things with tofu dogs now?”
“What's a tofu dog?”
“It's like a hotdog, but made with tofu.”
“What are hotdogs normally made out of?”
“The same stuff that's in your veins right now.”
“And that's bad?”
“Very.”
“Forty-five?”
“Maybe fifty?”
“My dad's fifty.”
“Does he have high cholesterol?”
“I don't think so.”
“Then, let's not worry about him.”
“Okay. What else besides tofu?”
“Lettuce. Beans. Fish.”
“I like fish sticks.”
“Those aren't quite the same.”
“Aren't they fish?”
“There a lot closer to hot dogs.”
“Don't they have tofu sticks then?”
“I don't know. You should look into it.”
“Aren't you supposed to know all of this?”
“Like I said…”
“It's not an exact science. Got it.”
“Check back in with me in a few months. We'll see how you're doing.”
“What if I don't make it?”
“Then, we'll know I was right.”