On Being Single
By H.G. Miller
A quick note:
The following has been written while consuming my second
home-made Manhattan (3 parts Evan Williams Extra Sour Mash Aged Whiskey, 1 part
generic store-brand Amaretto, and a splash of R.W. Knudsen “Just Black Cherry”
juice) and with my iPod shuffling through the “grunge” genre setting that took
way too much of my life to compile correctly - I mean, early Pearl Jam was
definitely considered grunge at the time, but a song like “Yellow Ledbetter” is
just a rock/blues tune that isn't really characteristic of the time period
between 1991 and 1994 when Pop Metal died (another “genre” on my iPod) and the
overproduced, slightly-out-of-tune, 'dirty' rock sound ruled.
Anyway, my main point is that I'm feeling a weird sort of nostalgia tonight. By
the by (which is a phrase my good friend from high school, Justin Trowbridge,
used when writing me from Germany when he was there as a foreign exchange
student), I have recently discovered the Cracker song “Nostalgia” on the Live
Music Archive, which is a great place to download free music legally that my
sister, Cherish, turned me on to.
Anyway, again… this ranting really started when I was walking home from the New
Beverly Cinema, which is about a half mile from my apartment. It's a cool movie
theater that shows random movies every night, usually a double bill. It's got
classics and current indie favorites, along with fun genre nights like “two by
John Hughes” or “two by Kubrik” which is what I saw tonight.
So, I didn't stick around for “Lolita” but I was still giggling over “Dr.
Strangelove” (Christmas gift idea for anybody interested) when I saw a happy
couple cavorting with each other on the sidewalk a few paces ahead of me.
For longer than I care to remember, my normal reaction to a happy couple
walking by was immediate jealousy and hatred to whatever higher power controls
the universe for my continuing existence as a single man with great wit, decent
morals and a job that at least sounded like it paid well.
But, you see, that is not the case anymore.
In fact, the whole reason I was out on my own tonight is because my beautiful
bride to be is in Las Vegas this weekend celebrating her ending bachelorette
status with some close friends.
Suddenly, it hit me… I haven't been a single man for a while now.
Take a quick browse through the archive sections on this website, and you'll
see that a large part of my creative influence over the years has been my
struggle as a single man trying to find love in the world.
You see, I watched the happy couple coddling in front of me, and I just felt
happy. No jealousy. No daydreams about the girl catching my eye and realizing I
was the man she should be with. No hastily-sketched character portrayals of the
boyfriend as some kind of ass-hole miscreant who would beat and berate the girl
when no one was watching and who had no right to be with such a nice girl in
the first place.
Nope. None of that.
I was just happy for them, and sad that my fiancé couldn't be with me to enjoy
the pleasant night air and the twisted humor of one of Kubrik's finer films.
So… yes, so…
What is a man supposed to do when one of his major creative drivers over the
years has been taken away from him and he is instead consumed with his own
happiness?
I know I haven't been writing as much lately. Actually, that's not entirely
true. I've been working on another sketch show with a group of writers from my
last show. These aren't things I post regularly (though, I will try to do a
better job now). Also, I have been gathering a large amount of notes on my next
feature script project, which I think is a really great idea, but it isn't
something I can just put onto the net for the world to see. (Hollywood's a
bitch of a place for original ideas if you didn't already know that).
The point is, I have lost one of the fertile areas I used to frequent in order
to farm ideas, but that's okay. I have other ideas and I'm still pursuing them.
I know it's taking longer than what my few fans are used to (and the baseball
focus is really ticking off some of you), but I promise that I'm working. I'm
still putting something creative and original onto the web a couple times a
month, and I'm damn proud of that.
This happiness is greater than anything I've ever experienced in my life, and
I'm not going to give it up. The writing and the love will have to learn to
live together. I think we'll all be better off in the long run. I mean,
seriously, how many more columns about some girl that I was just kidding myself
over did you want to read, anyway?
Yeah, I thought so.
