Pasta Taken Plain
By H.G. Miller
EXT. RALPH'S GROCERY STORE - NIGHT
JEFF exits carrying a sack in each hand.
A THIEF approaches him. Pulls a GUN.
THIEF
Hold it.
JEFF
What?
THIEF
The sacks. Up in the air. Now.
Jeff complies quickly.
THIEF
You just stay cool, and we won't
have any trouble.
JEFF
Great.
The thief rustles through his pockets, finding...
THIEF
Three dollars? That's all you got?
JEFF
Sorry, man. This isn't exactly the
nicest part of town.
THIEF
Yeah, but I saw you walking in,
counting like forty dollars.
Jeff shakes his grocery sacks.
JEFF
How do you think I paid for these?
THIEF
Hmm...
JEFF
You ever think of robbing somebody
before they go into the store?
THIEF
Hey, I ain't exactly a professional
at this.
JEFF
That is painfully obvious. Look, why
don't you wait and pick out somebody
else. Give it another shot and let
me go.
THIEF
Na, I'm not stupid enough to try
this twice in one night.
JEFF
You didn't have a problem the first
time.
THIEF
Man, I can't come out of this empty
handed.
JEFF
You go three dollars.
THIEF
No. Give me the bags.
JEFF
You're going to take my food?
THIEF
Quit bitching and hand it over.
Jeff hands the Thief his sacks.
JEFF
I can't believe this.
THIEF
What you got in here? Anything
sweet?
JEFF
Sorry. Just real food.
The Thief peruses the contents.
THIEF
Damn. You some kind of health nut?
JEFF
Look. You're stealing my groceries.
You think you can make fun of what I
eat someplace else?
THIEF
I'm just saying, you gotta live a
little, man. Come on, corn flakes?
JEFF
What's wrong with corn flakes?
THIEF
They're boring, that's what. You at
least put sugar on them?
JEFF
A little.
THIEF
Well, that's something, I guess. Why
all the pasta?
JEFF
Complex carbohydrates.
THIEF
Yeah, I took health class in high
school. But, you ain't got no pasta.
JEFF
(pause)
I eat it plain.
The Thief thinks about this. Makes a "yuck" face.
THIEF
That's disgusting.
JEFF
Look, you've got my food. Can I go
now?
THIEF
I tell you what. Keep it.
He hands the bags back to Jeff.
JEFF
You're too kind.
Jeff walks past the thief.
THIEF
Hold up. Not so fast.
JEFF
Now what?
THIEF
Which car is yours?