Fashion Sense
By H.G. Miller
You know, I think I’ve got a pretty good fashion sense for a guy. For example, my reversible belt is always on the brown side when I wear my brown shoes and the black side when I wear my black shoes. We’re talking countless seconds of my life every day that get spent on clothing decisions.
And, not to brag, but I think the ladies are starting to notice.
“You know that’s a cool shirt, right?”
See? She can’t help but compliment my chosen attire. I’ll accept.
“Thanks.”
“No, I mean the blue. It’s a cool color.”
So, the style doesn’t grab her. Better let her know I thought this out.
“I think it brings out my eyes.”
Yeah. Now, she’ll have to compliment my eyes. This is going great.
“That’s not what I mean. You’re pants are warm.”
She must mean, “hot.”
“You mean, ‘hot?’”
“No, you’re shirt is a cool color, and the pants are a warm color. It doesn’t go together.”
What the hell is she talking about? This isn’t art class.
“But, my pants are gray.”
“Yes.”
That’s it. Get her agreeing with you. Don’t lose your ground here.
“Gray is neutral.”
Ha. Take that, chicky!
“Well, some grays are warm and some are cool. That’s a warm gray.”
A warm gray? She’s just making shit up, now. I’m calling her on this one.
“How can you tell?”
“I just can.”
Total grade school comeback.
“It’s close, though. You almost got it.”
What? She’s consoling me now? No way, baby.
“I’m not so sure. I think this shirt goes really well with these pants.”
Let’s see how she responds to that!
“Look, I’m just trying to help. The pants have a red-fiber gradient in them, so that’s warm. And, the shirt is blue/white combination fabric, definitely cool. It’s a subtle thing, but it drew my attention. The other thing is… well; those are Gap pants, right? And I remember that shirt from Banana last year. So, you’re wearing different styles from different stores and different years. The whole thing is just a little off.”
Um… I… uh…
“B-but, Gap and Banana are both the same corporation.”
“Yeah, but they each have their own style. There’s a definite distinction. Especially when you start mixing clothes from the different seasons.”
Seasons?
“Seasons?”
“Winter and summer. You just got the pants, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So, the shirt is from Banana’s winter collection, but those pants were just put out for the winter sale.”
I’d better get out of this fast.
“Well, I just thought I’d throw something together. You know. No big deal. Kind of a punk thing.”
“A punk thing?”
I don’t think she believes me.
“Yeah. Screw the colors and styles. I just kind of where what I want.”
“Um… Okay.”
Yeah. I’m a fashion punk. That’s it.
That went well.