Dreaming in Degrees
By H.G. Miller
Ted is a man with dreams. Big dreams.
He has four distinct life plans for himself, each dependant upon a specific set of circumstances he can perceive occurring in the near future. Each plan has levels for the degree to which any particular circumstance may transpire.
He’s ready for everything – winning the lottery, selling his first screenplay, buying a house, racing his car, telling off his boss, telling off his other boss, recording an album, writing a novel, handling the press, wowing investors, leading the country and even falling in love.
Ted’s pretty sure he’ll make it somehow, someway. He doesn’t need to have it all, but he wants something.
Ted’s even ready to fail.
He doesn’t like to think about it much, but he’s set aside a plan for that. A dark little strategy to handle defeat and get back on his feet.
Ted’s ready to try again.
Ted’s only real problem are the circumstances. He’s ready to milk every bit of good fortune that may come his way, but he can’t figure out how to create that good fortune.
All of Ted’s positive attitudes rely on catalysts. A raise. A phone call. A missed plane flight. A chance encounter in the dead of night.
Don’t think that Ted’s not trying. He’s not one to sit idly by. He plays the game at the office, writes furiously at home and reads every “how-to” book he can find for his many wants in life. Something specific is always missing, though.
And, vaguely, he knows this. He knows that the world has plans of its own and his preparations always hinge on one simple fact: you don’t know.
You don’t know if they’ll ever give you that raise. You don’t know if they’re looking for action scripts right now. You don’t know if she’s smiling at you because she’s friendly, or because she can feel it too. You don’t even know what you really want, anyway.
And there's the distress... 'cause Ted used to know that. He had one thing and one thing only. It was a big thing. A large, scary, difficult bastard of a thing to get, and he wanted it.
The rest has all crept in, these plans of his. The options. The multi-variable scenarios with secondary objectives and acceptable levels of attrition.
Ted doesn’t know when or how or why…
Ted wonders if it’s big after all to be dreaming in degrees.